The Stinky Clam Incident

Truly a shining moment.

With Alex and his fiance recently engaged, congratulations were being thrown left and right. I had my doubts, but generally kept to myself, because he was my pal and he was happy. Unfortunately, I have the tendency to sometimes imbibe mass quantities of alcohol...hey, we all do (I don't want to be alone here).

It started out like any other night...a few laughs, a few jokes. I don't really remember a lot of what happened. I remember being so drunk that I couldn't get out of the bathroom. When I finally did, I pushed on the door so hard that I did a front somersault into the living room. Again, as commented on before, my freakishly good sense of balance allowed me to look like a gymnastic pro (I am sure I amazed friends and confounded enemies...I think). I also began to pass out money...$20's I think. I faintly remember asking if we were going to throw a party for Alex to which most replied that they were a little low on cash. I don't remember how I had so much money in my wallet ( I usually carry less than $10...in case of theft of course). But the next day, I ended up missing one of the $20's. I figured I had spent it somewhere in my drunken stupor. It wasn't until about a week later Sean came up to me (I guess feeling guilty or just trying to make sure I didn't go broke) and gave me back the missing $20.

Hey, that's what friends are for....

I also distinctly remember doing front flips all the way to my car and crashing into a bush, but I digress.

At some point during that night, I decided it would be hilarious to start calling Jen (insert spit noise here) S.C. She kept asking what that meant and would continually ask Alex about it. Alex, also a true friend, told her immediately that it stood for stinky clam.

This was the beginning of the end.

Alex tried to convince her I was joking (of course it was a joke, but you know what they say...). It didn't help matters much when I decided during Alex's bachelor party to call her and make up funny voices or just be annoying(she was having her own bachelorette party that same night). I admit I started the calls, but as my friends tend to do with a good joke, we kept doing it ad infinitum. Nothing makes a joke better than repeating it around ten times. At some point, Jen (ptewie) didn't find it funny anymore (should I say anymore or ever?).

The next day she was not happy. I decided she hated me already, so I took the blame for all of it. From that point on, I didn't see Alex very much...

Oh, another shining moment was the bachelor party night...for several of us.

1. Alex getting kicked out of a strip club for groping dancers.
2. Sean making a ball-and-chain for Alex to wear out of actual chain, epoxy and a bowling ball
3. All of us for continually knocking Alex off of his feet in Troy's yard (at 2 am) by tossing the ball back-and-forth to each other.
4. Me for throwing a full can of beer at my own car window
5. Me again for pouring an entire beer out onto the limo as it drove away.
6. Alex again for waking up with bruises from canoodling with strippers.
7. Troy's wife for making us go home because we were too loud.
8. And finally, me again for failing to call my girlfriend and let her know I wasn't coming home (it is hard to call someone when you are passed out) .

Man that was a good night.